


Noiz likes weird things up his butt

by shiroba



Category: DRAMAtical Murder
Genre: Blood, Crack Fic, Established Relationship, Knife Play, M/M, i destroy noizs ass, naked apron, some food sex, sorry - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-24
Updated: 2014-06-24
Packaged: 2018-02-06 00:27:16
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,544
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1837675
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shiroba/pseuds/shiroba
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Noiz finds out about the naked apron trick Clear pulled in Platinum Jail and he feels it would work well on his boyfriend. Clear decides to use things around the kitchen as play things for Noiz's butt and he loves every minute of it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Noiz likes weird things up his butt

**Author's Note:**

> this was supposed to be fluffy and sexy then it just kept getting worse and worse. well enjoy

"I never told you the stunt that punk pulled in Platinum Jail! You have to hear this!" Aoba was flailing his arms, just waiting for Noiz to ask what Clear did in Platinum Jail. Noiz just smirks and leans back in his bar stool. Aoba slams down his drink and looks straight into Noiz's eyes, "I'm gonna tell you exactly what he did. So we go to Platinum Jail to save the world right? He's a little weird but I don't doubt that we can save the world. Everything is supposed to be serious right? Well wrong! I wake up in our glitter apartment and and smell something good. I simply think Clear made breakfast, what a nice guy. I walk into the kitchen and I just see a white ass! It's Clear! This asshole is in just an apron cooking breakfast! Before he can finish saying 'Good Morning' I round house kick his head. He gives me 'So mean~!' but I just yell at him to put on some clothes. And the worst part! He did this because he thought all men enjoyed it. He's my friend, heck my best friend but I'm glad your dating him because I could not handle that."

After the collapse of the Oval Tower, Aoba and Clear quickly returned to his home and contacted Noiz. Noiz was able to fix Clear and they ended up falling in love. It was all very sweet and Aoba was just glad he wasn't dating that weird robot. He was his best friend but not the best boyfriend, in Aoba's mind. Noiz quite enjoyed dating the odd robot and had fun with his lack of world experience.

Noiz just chuckles and shakes his head. "So Clear likes that sort of thing... I knew I fell in love with him for a reason. Well Aoba the story was helpful but I have some shopping to do. Hey Mizuki, make sure this one gets home safe."  Noiz finishes his drink and puts some money down for the both of them. Noiz pats Aoba's head and leaves Mizuki's bar to the nearest store to buy some supplies.

A few days after hanging out with Aoba at the bar, Clear goes for a walk and leaves Noiz home alone. Noiz takes advantage of this to get everything ready for his surprise. He takes all his clothes off and puts on a frilly apron. He grabs all the phallic shape food he bought out of the fridge and brought out a cutting board. He stages the counter to make it seem like hes slicing vegetables. There's also a bottle of olive oil out because having lube on the counter would give it away. He stands waiting for Clear to come home and he points his ass towards the door.

Noiz hears the door knob turn and he gets himself ready. He picks up the knife and starts slicing the carrot. He bends over just slightly so his ass shines perfectly in the kitchen light. The door opens and Clear walks in. "I'm home, Noiz-saaaaaaan?" Clear's eyes go wide as he stares at the perfect ass in the kitchen.

"Welcome home, I was just cooking something, hope you don't mind." He shakes his ass and makes a loud slice through the carrot.

Clear is drawn into the kitchen by his boyfriends perfect ass and stands behind him. "Noiz-san... You look so pretty in the kitchen, handling that knife so well." He looks around he counter and doesn't see things for a meal but instead oil and phallic shapes food. He smiles and kisses Noiz's neck. "Were you really cooking or just asking for something?"

"That's a good question. Based off how much I cook, what I'm wearing, and what's on the counter, I think you can figure out."

Clear runs his hands down Noiz's arms and move the knife aside and grabs the carrot with the point chopped off. He moves the cutting board so the space in front of Noiz is empty. Clear slams Noiz's head down on the counter to bend him over. He grunts and the pain sends some blood to his dick. The oil is swiped off the counter and quickly opened. Clear spreads some on the carrot and without warning shoves it up Noiz's ass.

Noiz moans and rocks his hips. Even more blood is send to his dick. "C-Clear..." He grits through his teeth. "Deeper... Fuck me more with the carrot."

"As you wish." Clear shoves the carrot as far as he can while still holding onto it. He slides it in and out roughly, rubbing the blunt tip all around Noiz's insides. The special spot inside Noiz is hit and he moans and the drop of precum drips to the floor. He pulls the carrot out and throws it onto the stove. "What next..." He reaches to the bag of produce and pulls out a large cucumber. Oil is rubbed all over this long item before being shoved straight up an ass that was more than accepting of foreign objects. Noiz is moaning into the counter top as his ass is filled with food. Clear thrusts and twists and grinds the food inside his boyfriend in all the right ways. Just as his ass is beggining to adjust and enjoy it, the food is yanked out and thrown to the carrot. Noiz groans as his hole twitches for more. Clear presses Noiz's face into the counter and grabs more produce from the bag.

The purple food is heavy in his hand and he just knows it will fit perfectly in Noiz's ass. Just look at his hole, its twitching and begging to be filled and destroyed. The eggplant was large and had a nice wide bottom. It took a large amount of oil  to get it lubed up. Clear spreading the whimpering boy's cheeks and pressed it against his hole. Noiz groaned, "Shove it in... Fuck my hole with everything on the counter!" As soon as Noiz finished talking the large plant was shoved straight in. Noiz screamed in pleasure and came all over the floor and his apron. That didn't stop Clear. He thrust the eggplant into his prostate and kept at it. The screaming didn't stop and he continued to leak over the floor. Once Clear decided he had enough the eggplant was removed and Noiz's wrecked asshole tried to recover the small shape it had before. Noiz was panting and smiling. He started to laugh.

"Clear... Your the best. This was the best idea I've had since I decided to upgrade your dick."

"You know, Noiz-san...You asked to be fucked by 'everything' on the counter and there's one more thing that I can shove up your ass." Noiz looked around, wondering what else there was. His eyes caught site of the knife next to the cutting board and he had mixed feelings.

"D-do it... Shove the knife up my ass." Noiz gave up on ever using the bathroom in peace ever again. This was the day he was gonna destroy his asshole in the name of pleasure.

Clear picked up the knife and stared at it. He wondered if the oil would help. Clear tried to do the whole thing gently and reached in with his finger to spread his ass hole. He created an opening that could fit the blade without touch him. Once the blade was fully inside he let go of his asshole and it closed around the blade. Noiz hissed as red blood started to drip. "Are you alright, Noiz-san?"

"Y-yes... Fuck it hurts but fuck it feels so good. Move the knife already."

Clear slid the knife out a little and a larger stream of blood started to flow and it reached his balls. Clear was rock hard after doing all these things and he had to do something for himself. He uses his free hand to pull out his hard dick. He wipes his hand over the stream of blood and uses it as lube to rub his own dick.  The surge of pleasure as Noiz's blood touches his dick makes him shove the blade in some. Noiz cries out and his dick twitches. He pulls the knife out further and slide it back in only a little. He was taking a 'two steps forward one step back' to his knife fucking approach.  He pulls out and pushes in. Noiz is dripping blood and precum and it looks beautiful from where Clear wiped his hand.

"I've never been this close to orgasming so quickly. Keep up what you're doing."

Clear pulls the knife out, almost completely but stops before the tip. He shoves the knife halfway in and pulls it all the way out. Noiz comes with a scream and the knife is removed. Clear looses it at the scream and speeds up his hand and covers Noiz's back with his fake semen.

Noiz crumples to the floor, blood still dripping. He smiles at his boyfriend. "Thank you. This turned out better than I could have ever imagined." Noiz thinks to himself that Aoba was right, he couldn't date this robot.

Clear leaves Noiz on the floor to recover his strength and Clear starts to cook dinner, vegetable stir fry.

**Author's Note:**

> hahahahahaha disgusting but so is the dmmd fandom. dont hate me


End file.
